Proverbs For Husbands

Pro 21:9  It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

We are reading through Proverbs in Sunday school and we came upon this verse.  There are actually several verses like this one including one in the same chapter, Pro 21:19  It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.  The question was asked why there are so many verses about this and why is it always about the contentious wife and not the husband.  They are questions that are worth considering. 

On the surface the easy answer is that this book is written from a father to his son and so naturally it would be from the man or husband’s point of view.  I think that if we look at it from the man’s point of view but also from a biblical and New Testament perspective we can make a good application. 

I think men typically either read a verse like this as a funny truism and then move on to the next verse or immediately think of a nagging wife and tend to apply it to wives by telling them they shouldn’t be contentious but submissive instead.  We tell them that if you submit to your man the home will be one of peace.  Now there is certainly some truth to that but that application directs these verses to the woman and not to the man.  And so the verses become mostly just truisms about what a home is like if the wife is a nag but they hardly find application in a man who wants to be wise in the Lord.

As I said earlier, this book is written to instruct a son and while there are great applications for men, women and children in this book yet I began to think about what would be the wisest and most profitable way for a young man looking for a wife or a husband who finds himself in this situation to apply it to himself.

There are at least two ways we can approach this.  We can quote it to our wives when we feel they are being quarrelsome or nagging, etc.  We can use it then to try and keep our wives sweet and submissive or we can consider how to apply it to ourselves as husbands.  Perhaps a similar verse will help, Pro 17:1  Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife.  Here the point is the same but it doesn’t blame either the man or his wife for the problem.  It is simply saying that a home of peace is a much more enjoyable place to live than one in which there is strife.

I think a better application of these verses then is for a man not to use them to try and get his wife to submit but to look at why there is contention in the home to begin with.  Since the husband is to be the head of the home then we should always look at our leadership with suspicion when there is strife.  Why is my wife contentious, why is she not happy, why is she nagging me, etc.?  In fact, a better way to ask that question might be what is there about living with me that is making her unhappy. 

Yes, it is miserable to live with a contentious wife but it is equally miserable to live with a know-it-all, abusive, “I am king of my domain” husband.  So it might be best for the husband to read these verses and think to himself that since it is miserable to live with such a woman I need to make sure that I am the kind of guy that brings out the best in my wife and not one that is unbearable to live with.  In this way these verses become a directive for husbands to consider how they lead rather than just something to use against our wives.

A young man looking for a wife would do well to keep this verse in mind and look for a woman with a sweet, godly, submissive attitude because if he just looks on the outward he might very well end up with a miserable home.  And this applies both ways.  How many girls have gotten caught up in a guy’s looks, money or “manly” take charge attitude only to find out that he is just mean or so caught up in himself that it is impossible to have much of a relationship. 

There is a lot in the verses to think about but I hope we men use them to consider the atmosphere we encourage in the home and not use them to beat our wives over the head with.  Otherwise they just become almost a self-fulfilling prophecy in which we make her miserable and she returns the favor.  And of course, we could just go to the Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, and Eph 5:28  In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Eph 5:29  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.  The application is the same.  If we love her like we want to be loved, she will be happy and the home will be at peace.

Knowing the Word Helps Us Pray

Gen 18:17  The LORD said, "Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do, Gen 18:20  Then the LORD said, "Because the outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is great and their sin is very grave, Gen 18:21  I will go down to see whether they have done altogether according to the outcry that has come to me. And if not, I will know." Gen 18:22  So the men turned from there and went toward Sodom, but Abraham still stood before the LORD.

Gen 18:23  Then Abraham drew near and said, "Will you indeed sweep away the righteous with the wicked?

Here is a well-known passage where Abraham intercedes on the behalf of the righteous in Sodom before the city is destroyed for their sin.  In going through the passage this time I was impressed with what spurred Abraham to pray.  It was knowledge and specifically the knowledge of what God was going to do.  Instead of knowing that God was sovereign and all his will would be accomplished and figuring that it didn’t really matter what he did because God’s will couldn’t be stopped; the very opposite happened.

We aren’t told if the Lord told Abraham that he was going to destroy Sodom or if Abraham just assumed as much but either way what caused Abraham to intercede was knowing that God is a God who judges sin but also that he was a God who loved his people and showed mercy.  I was struck at the Lord’s words, “Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do”.  It is as if he was deliberately inviting Abraham to get involved with prayer.  The knowledge of God isn’t just so we can be amazed and then use it as an excuse to not get involved in his work.  Because we know how he works we should know how to pray and that he expects us to pray.

There are examples of how the knowledge of God directs our lives in the NT.  Rom_2:4  Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?  Rom_5:3  Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance.  1Co_15:58  Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.  In fact, just looking up the word “knowing” in the Bible shows how often we are told to use the knowledge found in the Bible to direct our thinking and actions.  But the one that I was specifically thinking of was 2Co_5:11  Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others.”

I can imagine Abraham’s first thought was of his nephew Lot and his family who resided in Sodom.  What drove him to pray was knowing what God will do to unrepentant sinners and he didn’t want his loved ones to be caught up in it.  So he prays for their physical safety. 

And so this helps us understand how we are to pray and why.  We are told to pray for our civic leaders in 1 Tim. 2 not so they can have a good life and blessed by God so they can go on serving sin but that under their leadership God’s people can continue to serve the Lord without harassment and so the gospel can go forth unabated.  We pray for our unsaved loved ones because we know that there is a day of reckoning for all people.  The Lord invites us to be part of his work in redeeming souls by praying for things that would aid to that end.

We are never told that there is nothing we can do except sit back and just accept whatever God’s secret counsels are.  I am thankful that nothing can stop his will and that he is more powerful than my enemies but he didn’t make us to be cold fatalists, instead we are to care about others and about the Lord’s work and pray for needs and pray that God’s providence will bring about the salvation of the lost. 

The second great commandment is that we love our neighbors as ourselves.  If we have no burden for them that moves us to pray for them and to put feet to our prayers and speak to them when possible then we must ask ourselves how much we really love them.  The great doctrines of the sovereignty of God are probably the most fundamental and important in all of Scripture but they are there to spur us to depend and trust on the Lord and to pray fervently for him to be who he is a God who will exercise vengeance on our enemies but also a God who can save both our enemies and our friends.  It is because all power rests in him and he is perfectly wise and good and trustworthy that he is the only one we can pray to who can answer our prayers. 

The more we know the Word, the better we know our God and the more accurately we can bring our petitions to him and be used in his Work.  It is an amazing doctrine that God uses his people’s prayers as a way for his will to be done.  He doesn’t depend on them but he uses them.

Expressing Love

Psa 119:162  I rejoice at your word like one who finds great spoil.

Psa 119:163  I hate and abhor falsehood, but I love your law.

Psa 119:164  Seven times a day I praise you for your righteous rules.

Psa 119:165  Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble.

Psa 119:166  I hope for your salvation, O LORD, and I do your commandments.

Psa 119:167  My soul keeps your testimonies; I love them exceedingly.

There is a principle that is found in every human being and it doesn’t stop when someone is converted.  It is that we have a great interest in what we love.  I guess that is a redundancy because to love something is to have a keen interest in it.  It might be more to the point to say that when someone doesn’t have an interest in something then that proves he doesn’t love the object. 

The things we love, we love to read about and study and get better acquainted with.  If you tell me you love flower gardening and I ask you to tell me about it and you say that you don’t really know much about it or I ask you to show me your flower beds and you say that you don’t have any, then I am going to conclude you don’t really love gardening. 

Now a Christian by definition loves his Savior.  I won’t try to expand on that and I shouldn’t have to.  And to love Jesus necessitates loving his Body and his Word.  So it is disheartening when someone who claims to be a saint seems to never spend time with those three entities.  What would we say to a man who had a fiancée but always seemed to forget to spend time with her and just didn’t seem all that interested in her? 

When Jesus said that if we love him we will keep his commandments I don’t think we necessarily need to read that as if he is commanding us to keep his commandments; he is making a similar point.  To love someone is to be consumed with him or her to some extent and since Jesus is the most glorious person, we should be most consumed with him.  If we have a keen interest in the Lord of glory who happens to also be our creator God then keeping his commandments is just a natural thing to do.  You enjoy pleasing the one that you love. 

With all of our remaining sin, we clearly struggle expressing our love for the Lord as he is due.  But a true saint struggles with this expression he doesn’t just ignore Christ, nor his church, nor his Word.  Those three might be the trifecta of Christian pursuits.  Now that is just a thought that came to me and there might be some more to add to the list but they are right up there and in a sense cannot be separated.  You can’t ignore any one or two of the three without doing harm to all.  If fact I am rather sure I have never met anyone who is unfaithful in one who isn’t also unfaithful in the other two. 

Of course, the problem is that we constantly meet people who claim to love Jesus but hate the hypocrites in the church or are too busy to spend time under the preaching of God’s Word.  But it all goes back to the flower gardener.  If we love Jesus we will find the time and energy and money to pursue him as the great love of our life. 

And along with this we can say that we have no problem sacrificing for what we truly love.   I have yet to meet anyone who doesn’t spend time and money on things they don’t need but that they love enough to spend hard earned cash for or to give up time with other things they like so they can be with what they love as much or more.  That is one reason why I have never had any problem having three services a week; because I love the Lord, I love his Word and I love his people; 2Sa 24:24  But the king said to Araunah, "No, but I will buy it from you for a price. I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God that cost me nothing." So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen for fifty shekels of silver.  Jesus is too wonderful to be casual with.

I am fully aware that my love for the Lord is weak compared to so many Christians but it never occurs to me not to be at church when the doors are opened.  That is where Jesus speaks and that is where those that love him are found.  It reminds me of Peter’s wonderful words when Jesus asked his disciples if they would abandon him as the crowds had just done, Joh 6:68  Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.

Are We Husbands Good Conductors?

Gal_3:28  There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.  

Eph 5:22  Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Eph 5:23  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  

Eph 5:24  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 

Eph 5:28  In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  

I came across what I thought was a good illustration of how a husband and wife should relate to each other when it comes to headship and submission.  As is always the case when studying the Bible, we must be familiar with every place a subject is mentioned and not use one passage to develop our entire understanding of any subject.  Too often men have keyed in on verse 24 where wives are told to submit in everything and used that to excuse their unloving behavior and to push the idea that their wives are never to argue or disobey them but that they are there for the man and that is the end of the matter.   

The Bible says that wives have other authorities that they are also to submit to as well such as Christ himself, the church, civil government, etc.  These are not in competition, of course, but are to work together for the good of all.  This is also true of men who must submit to the same entities.  As soon as we husbands see our wives  as our property or at least here for our needs and pleasures, we can be sure we are going to have not only marital problems but spiritual ones.  The illustration I read I think helps show how this relationship is supposed to work. 

In an orchestra the conductor is the leader and the musicians follow his lead.  They are equal in value as human beings but there is an order of authority that produces music rather than noise.  Submission to authority doesn't make the musician less of a person or of less value but it does make him a better musician. God has ordained the marriage in such a way as to make both the husband and wife all that they can be as human beings and especially as useful servants of the Lord.  Order is essential in any type of organization for effectiveness.  This is true in the church where God tell us that all things are to be done decently and in order because God is not the author of confusion.  A man is made to lead and a woman is made to follow that lead and their relationship will be best when we obey the Bible in this.  This doesn't mean that all men lead as well as others and that many women aren't capable of being good leaders but we are speaking about a marriage relationship. 

My main point in this illustration is for us husbands.  God has given you a wife, not a slave.  Yes, she is a suitable helper to us in life but that doesn't mean that we don't have responsibilities towards her as well. If we are to care for her as we do our own bodies then it is our responsibility and privilege to make her everything she can be as a wife, mother and woman.   It is interesting and telling that many men think their wives are there to help them become great at what he does but he could care less that she becomes everything she can be. 

Her value isn't just in how well she takes care of you but also in how well she serves the Lord, his people and society in general.  The "music" she plays isn't just all about the husband but for the Lord and others to benefit from as well.  If we husbands are properly loving our wives then it is our duty to help her develop her talents and to grow spiritually and to be a blessing to all.  While her primary duties center on the home that doesn't mean that there aren't many avenues for her to serve the Lord, any more than husbands are to only be concerned for work and ignore everything else.   

It is not unusual for a man to be consumed with his job or some hobby as if nothing else is as important. He will spend any amount of time and energy on his career at the expense of his marriage and family and the church and his spiritual life.  What is even sadder is that because his job is his god, he expects his wife to love it just as much as he does and doesn't understand that she might put Christ ahead of work, hobbies and if need be even ahead of him when push comes to shove.  He doesn't have time for the Lord and doesn't see why it is a priority for her above all else. 

A wife is given to us to help us serve the Lord, not to help us serve ourselves.  Our leadership is to help her thrive as a human being in service to God, not to be consumed with us and nothing else.  She is not less than us in value and capabilities; she is different than us in position of authority.  But our authority is not her final authority.  We have been given authority in order to make her and our family people who honor the Lord above all else.  It is a tall order while we both are still sinners. May God give us the grace to love as we have been loved. 

For us husbands to do this in a godly way we must love the Lord above all else.  Otherwise we are like a conductor with the wrong music.  We are trying to get the musicians to play an entirely different work and so there is confusion and frustration because we are not on the same page.  If we are living for ourselves and our wives are living for the Lord there will be conflict.

Beware of Wolves in Sheep's Clothing

Rick Warren's Article

Perry Noble's Article

I was recently given the Logos Bible study program.  It is a great tool and I am very thankful to have it.  One of the things it does each day is to give you news that Faithlife, who owns Logos, finds pertinent for Evangelical Christians.  Today, for instance, I read Joel Osteen tell us why he doesn’t apologize for not preaching about Hell.  He explains that people are beaten down enough and he wants to lift them up.  Evidently he knows what sinners need better than Jesus and the Apostles did. 

But what is sad about such an article is that there are those Christians who actually think this has something to do with Christianity.  If this article was in a “cult” section it would be one thing, but to pass it off as a legitimate biblical and edifying article explains why there is so much confusion in churches today.

Even before I read about Joel Osteen today I had read a couple of articles earlier in the week that irritated me enough to decide to include them in my blog.  One was from Rick Warren and the other was from Perry Noble who pastors a mega church down in South Carolina. 

On the surface Rick Warren’s article might not have seemed too bad.  It is entitled, “Christians must accept Jesus, not just hope they will go to Heaven”.  But usually when someone uses the words “accept Jesus” instead of trust or believe you know where they are coming from and Rick made it quite apparent what he meant by that.

Here is a quote: "God nailed everything that separated you from himself to the cross. But God won't force you to make the most important decision of your life. It's in your hands," Warren writes, noting that it's "time" for Christians to choose.”  Of course, this is blatantly unbiblical because it gives man the ability to choose on his own without the power of God.  If Romans 3 is true then we know that no man seeks after God or does any good thing.  Romans 8 says Rom 8:7  For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Rom 8:8  Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.  It always amazes me that so many Christians find it so offensive to admit that no one gets saved unless God first changes their heart so that they will believe and he only regenerates the elect.  Eph 1:18  having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, Eph 1:19  and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might.

The other article by Rick Perry is worse, if one can even rate them.  He promises to refund tithes if God doesn’t bless you in 90 days.  You can sign up for this and it appears others churches have done the same thing.  It is even described as a “money back guarantee by some! 

The problem is that all this assumes that God’s blessings are temporal, physical and for the most part monetary or at least things that make us happy.  Nowhere in the NT do we read that money and ease and heath are the only blessings or are blessings at all in some ways; but blessings are whatever makes you a better servant of the Lord.  And for the most part we are told to expect suffering and trials.  James tells us to count it all joy when we fall into various trials.  He doesn’t say count it as a blessing when you escape all manner of trials.  Timothy reminds us, 1Ti 6:9  But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. 1Ti 6:10  For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.  Often ease is detrimental to our spiritual health. 

One poor woman admitted that God’s blessing won’t always be monetary but then describes them as other things that come with what money brings.  She said,  "Everyone thinks it's a financial change that He's gonna bless you with but it might not be monetary. I didn't imagine how it would change me. A promotion at my job, being recognized for the work I've done for patients at work. I just don't worry about finances anymore. I just give to Him and say You'll provide and I'll never fail. He always does (provide)," she said.  So evidently God blessed her by giving her recognition from her peers for her good works and a promotion to boot.

Well, we don’t bargain with God.  We give to his work because we love him and his work and out of hearts full of thankfulness.  Whether he gives it back to me or not is neither here nor there.  This is the worst kind of selfishness and it is no wonder the world has lost all respect for much of what passes as Christianity today.

Observing the Lord's Table

The following is from our Good Friday Service:

The Lord’s Table

There is a connection between the OC Passover and the NC Lord’s Table.  The Passover was an animal sacrifice that looked forward to the time when it would no longer be needed; it was a prophecy that looked forward to its fulfillment.  That fulfillment was Christ, the Lamb of God being slain for us.  As the OT believer ate it in faith they looked forward to the time in which the true Lamb would be slain for the forgiveness of their sins.  The Passover also looked back at their deliverance from Egypt, but the danger for the Jew was to not realize that it primarily looked forward to true deliverance from sin.

As Christ prepares to fulfill that type, he institutes a new observance that causes us to look backward but also look at the present and to look forward as well.  Like the Passover it anticipates a time in which it will no longer be needed.  There are two basic truths that each NT account mentions. 

First of all, they all tell us that the bread and the cup are symbols of his body and blood that were given for the remission of sins.  In the original each one says consistently that the body was given and the blood was poured out.  This is tied to how our sins are forgiven by his death and that this is the essence of the NC.  And so the first thing the observance of this table does is to connect us to the past, to the day in which a suitable substitute was lifted up and took our place.  He is the reason we are at peace with God because he took away the guilt of our sin.  This is why Jesus said to do this in remembrance of me.   We remember his death, we do not re-crucify him, and we thank God that he died once for all time for the sins of his people.  Heb 10:12  But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, Heb 10:14  For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.

Secondly, we don’t just remember but we eat the symbols.  We acknowledge that Christ hasn’t just done something in the past but indwells us now and gives us life and light and joy and peace.  He satisfies us with good things now and he has united us to his body and we share communion with God’s people now.  We are growing in our knowledge and fellowship of him.  He indwells us with his Spirit and has sealed us until the day of his return.  Perhaps it is this last thing that we are to especially consider at the present.  We have been united to his death so that it is a present reality and assurance to us.

Thirdly, this allows us to look forward to the day when we shall no longer observe a rite that reminds and anticipates because we will be safe in the eternal presence of God and in complete and unbroken fellowship with him.  Sin will no longer cause us to forget and ignore our Savior but we will enjoy him perfectly. 

In each of the gospel accounts Jesus makes it a point to say that he will not drink of the fruit of the vine until he does so in the kingdom of God.  A lot could be said about this but I think Paul sums it up in his account where he says, 1Co 11:26  For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes.  Once he comes we won’t have to have this observance because we will be enjoying the fullness of the kingdom. 

Bread and wine in the Bible also speak of our needs being met and the fullness of joy.  Christ was saying that he is going away but when he comes back we will once again sit down with him and enjoy true fulfillment and true joy in the day in which all our enemies have been destroyed. 

So this table unites our past and our present and our future.  Because it is a celebration of Christ and he is our perfect salvation, our abundant life now and our glorious hope that awaits.  Let us use it as time of worship; to thank him for being a perfect savior and to commit our present life to him and to be faithful until the day that he comes back for us to receive him unto himself.

A Test of Saving Faith

2Co 13:5  Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test! 2Co 13:6  I hope you will find out that we have not failed the test.

In Church we have spent a couple of weeks speaking on how we can examine ourselves to make sure we are of the Faith.  While our salvation is as sure as the righteousness of Christ because it is based on his work, not ours; yet the Bible constantly tells Christians that taking it for granted can be an eternal mistake.  So we are told to make our calling and election sure.  Briefly, I think this is done primarily in making sure there is fruit in your life that gives evidence of a regenerated heart and I believe the way this is seen is two-fold.  Both of these fruits for the most part involve an inward look at the heart before an outward look at one’s life. 

Firstly, only I can see my heart and only I know if I am trusting solely on the finished work of Christ on the cross.  Obviously many false professors have walked an aisle and made a public profession of Christ.  So the only way for anyone to know if it was real or not is to first be honest with yourself.  True, saving faith looks to no other righteousness than that of the Lord Jesus Christ.  If you are holding on to some work or some religious system, some earthly priest, etc. in addition to Christ then you are not a biblical believer in Christ.

A second test also involves the heart before looking at the life.  It is to determine whether you love Christ more than any other thing or person.  Salvation isn’t just an act of faith, it is the Holy Spirit giving you a new nature not only so you can trust in Christ but also so that you might have light and life and submit to Christ as Lord.  Again, only I know if I love Christ and want to glorify him in everything I do.  It is obvious that the churches are full of people who have outwardly “accepted” Christ Jesus but inwardly they still put their wants above his.  This is not bringing forth “fruit meet for repentance”. 

If we seem to pass these two tests then they will be evidenced by a lifestyle that obeys the Lord.  There will be a constant and genuine sorrow over sin which leads to repentance and an effort to put exposed sin out of our lives.  There will be humility as we recognize Christ as our only wisdom and righteousness.  There will be contentment in all situations because we trust the Lord to keep his word when he says, “All things work together for the good of those that love him”.  It isn’t that these things will be constant and perfect but we live according to our heart’s love and desires.  If we are by nature lovers of Christ, we can’t live lives that looks like lovers of sin.

Let me close by listing some things that we must be very wary of when examining ourselves and even others.  Such things as praying, walking an aisle, an emotional experience, being baptized, attending church, leading an outwardly moral life, knowing facts about Jesus and even conviction over doing sinful things is not necessarily evidence of a regenerate heart. 

You might think that I just contradicted myself but there is a problem with these things.  Any lost person can do each one.  They don’t require genuine faith and a transformed heart.  If we see ourselves doing them we haven’t really proven anything and this is why we have to look first at the heart and the motive for why we do what we do.  It might be better to say that they only help us examine ourselves in that only their absence proves anything.  Their presence doesn’t prove saving faith but their absence would definitely be a warning sign.  

If a lost person doesn’t do any of this, then we are not surprised.  But if a professing Christian isn’t doing them then they are suspect at best.  Some of them like walking an aisle aren’t going to be the experience of all true saints but my point is that people that love the Lord will look like it outwardly.  And so the absence of holiness and obedience is a failing mark on the test of whether one has been touched by the grace of God.